Journal Entry 22: 06/16/18

hey everyone!

The last couple of je’s (journal entries) I did I discussed boys, birth control, and work. I guess I’ll stick with those topics and let y’all know how I’m doing in every department. I’m also going to touch on a couple different topics in this je.

dating life:

The short guy

As you all know I was dating that short guy. The one who was significantly shorter than me and my ass could not get over it. We were talking every day and making plans to go to all these different places. He would take me to the movies and out to eat pretty often. We saw A Quiet Place and I think one other movie together but I can’t remember what it was. He didn’t mind spending money on me and I think I liked that. One day I was talking to my friends about him kinda introducing the fact that we were talking. That’s when one of my old best friends from hs said that he had been in her messages a long time ago. That made me super heated. Not over the fact that it happened but the fact that his shady ass didn’t mention a single thing knowing me and her were close. I texted him right then and there. Let me see if I can go screenshot it

After that text convo we literally did not speak again. It was such a weird way to end things now that I reflect back on it. It just made me pretty upset and the fact that he didn’t even try and defend himself further or the relationship further solidified he wasn’t the one lol. I just kept it pushing.

The 6’4 guy

I had told you guys that me and him were really acting like a couple but then I withdrew from him because I knew we would never be a couple. We were still hanging out and we’d make out and go to movies. He knew I was actively dating other people but he would just kinda mention seeing tweets about other men and how it bothered him. I tried to end things w him but all that did was attract us to one another more. Here’s where there was a turn of events. Me and the tall guy were texting all the time and one day he texted me this after seeing my twitter….

Since then we hadn’t spoken and I went to my younger cousins graduation this passed Wednesday. I was pushing Dominic through the crowd when OF FUCKING COURSE I RUN INTO HIM. He was standing right in the way of where I was trying to walk. There was a sea of people on both sides of him so I had no choice but to walk by him. I saw all his friends around and I’m like UHHHH GOD WHY?? So I decide I’m going to walk by him and say hi because he probably already saw me I mean I’m tall as hell. So I go up and say hi and he kinda does like this weird sigh at me. We hugged and I went on my way. It was a super weird encounter and his friends were lowkey looking at me and made me feel even more uncomfortable. I know mister hates me but I mean there’s nothing I could do. I currently have a new man and he wasn’t willing to commit so honestly I can’t be blamed.

My baby daddy aka the new man

This mysterious new man is my sons dad! I know what you’re all thinking JULIANNA HOW COULD YOU YOU’RE A DUMB ASS???! That’s the same exact thing I thought when I even considered talking to him again. After all the bad he’s put me through he really didn’t deserve a minute of my time. It started in May on Mother’s Day. He asked my mom if he could drop off some gifts for me and her. She agreed. When he dropped them off I wasn’t home so I asked her to open them. She did and there was a box of shoes, a letter saying everything he missed about me, and a bunch of pictures of us when we were together. I texted him later that night when I got home and asked said I got the gifts. He then went on to tell me he’s missed me and he knows he fucked up. We agreed we needed to talk in person and we did later that week. During our talk I made him be a hundred percent honest and answer all my questions I had. The talk ended up hurting and making me even more pissed. We moved on though and agreed that we could try and work through things. Since then dom has loved when he’s with us both at the same time. He wasn’t used to it at first. One day we took him to Chuck E. Cheese and he had knocked out on the car ride. When we got there I was kissing my bd and we looked back and Dom had THE BIGGEST SMILE ON HIS FACE. Like I said he’s just super happy when he has us both together. I know it’s going to take a lot for me to trust him again or even take him serious. We’ll see how it goes honestly but I wanted to let you all know.

birth control:

I told you all how I have the Mirena in me. Over the last couple of months I noticed it does give me a couple pimples. I’ve never had acne and very rarely would get pimples growing up so now getting them because of the mirena annoys me. I’m not used to having them. They go away pretty quickly and aren’t too bad. It’s just an annoying side effect as I said. I also notice the headaches I feel like I get those and mood swings pretty often. I haven’t gained any weight I pretty much have maintained the same weight but I’m trying to lose weight. I don’t know if the IUD will make it harder. I have had a lot of spotting and my periods haven’t lightened yet. I’m hoping they do soon!

Work:

My job at the day center is so tiring. We just work pretty long hours for not that much money. My clients make it worth it though they know how to make my days. I told you all about how I was working at the dispensary too. I was trying to just work saturdays but the manager wanted me full time and I can’t do that. I want to find a second job though. I need to make more money. My coworkers are still super cool. I went to a brewery when I was off yesterday with one of the new guys and this guy who started around the same time I did. We had a couple beers and talked about work. One of the girls who used to work at the center invited me out but I wound up going out with my hair stylist and her bf.

A dom update:

As you all know my sons name is dom! He’s about to be a year and a half on the 20th. He’s huge!!!! He’s literally in 5T which is really big. And he’s a size nine in shoe. Dom knows so many words. At his last check up the doctor was saying “does he know at least ten words” and I’m like girl he can say whole sentences. He’s so bright!!!! He loves the song baby shark and “Outstanding” by the Gap Band. Dom also knows some spanish and loves listening to reggaeton and Banda! He loves eating and he loves going “bye”. I think he enjoys car rides and getting out of the house. He goes to the park like every day. He can be really good with other kids or he can be really mean so I really have to watch him. I can’t get him out of scratching and hitting. I’m trying to work on it with him he just gets very angry. He’s also really sweet though and he’ll give kisses and say “nice” and rub you.

Here’s a couple of pictures

I think that’s all I really wanted to talk about right now. I’m hoping I’ll be back to write again soon and not wait till next year LOL. How are you all doing? How’s summer for you?

Love, Hooly ๐Ÿ’–

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Journal Entry #21: April 19, 2018

I am going to try and make this post super fast because I have to get ready for work soon! I just reread my last post and thought of a few things I could write about in this next post.

  • I started a new form of birth control. I have tried three different types in the past. I tried a low dose pill when I first started off. I was on the low dose pill when I got pregnant…. so you see why that didn’t work out lol. I’m pretty sure it was my fault and not the pills fault. I had a stay in the hospital and was pretty bad at remembering to take it at the same time every day! After I had my son I started getting the depo shot. I had that for about three months and I gained A LOT of weight. I weighed more than when I was pregnant. I decided not to get the depo shot again due to the fact that they updated my insurance and it wasn’t covered anymore. They offered me a high dose birth control pill and I took that. I took it for about three months and it honestly made me soooo sick. I would have constant stomach issues and I decided that it was not worth it for me. I was putting my body through hell for no reason. When I stopped taking the high dose pill I was on no form of birth control. I recently went in to the doctors for a Pap smear and regular check up. That’s when my nurse told me I could try an IUD called Mirena. Honestly the thought of something being in me that long scared me. She went on to explain how it’s low maintenance and she has one. Everything she was telling me seemed great. She did mention how I might spot or bleed and that sounded awful. I decided to just try it out. I’ve had it in for about three weeks and this week has been the first week I’ve had a lot of bleeding and cramping and back pain. I’m pretty sure it’s just my period and I’ll be fine in the next couple of days. I have had a lot of spotting though. I’ll keep you all updated on how I like it!
  • Me and the short guy are still talking. We’re actually supposed to have a date night today and go see another movie. He calls me every night and texts me throughout the day. We haven’t been able to see each other since the day I told you about. We’re both pretty busy and the one day we were supposed to see each other last week we had a miscommunication issue. We’re planning to take a trip to Vegas next month! I’m super excited for that.
  • I’m starting a second job this Saturday! I got offered to come try working at a weed shop. I’m kinda nervous because I know it’s not the best place to work but I need more money. My mom does not work so I’m basically supporting four people. Supporting four people on my salary alone is not cutting it. I’m going to try the shop out and see if I like it. The shops right in the middle of LA. Its definitely a drive from my house so we’ll see if it is even worth it. I’m hoping I like it and it pays well.

I think those are the main things I wanted to talk about. Sorry this post is so short!!!! Just wanted to put in a little effort and see how you all are doing!? Thank God it’s Thursday ๐Ÿ’•

Love, Hools

Journal Entry 20: April 9, 2018

I haven’t uploaded since January! That is so ridiculous lmfao.

It’s 4:39 am. I usually wake up for work anywhere from 5 am to 7am. I fell asleep pretty early last night so I woke up around 3:30am.

Last I left off I told you all about how my ex cheated. We still are not on the best of terms but communicate for Doms sake. There’s so much I could tell you on the situation but I don’t really know where to start. I’m not really going to waste any more head space on that situation tho. I guess if y’all have questions I can answer them! Until then I’ll move on lol.

As I said in my last journal entry… I’ve been dating and talking to new men these last couple of months. I guess I can fill you in on that. I’ve definitely had more fuckboi experiences in this short amount of time. I’m gonna go ahead and give u little descriptions on the situations I’ve been in. I’ve talked to a good amount of guys but I guess I’ll just focus on the main ones worth mentioning.

Boy A: He lived about an hour away. I was always going out to go see him when I would get the chance. He would FT me every day and text me all day. I knew this man wasn’t shit but I didn’t care because I wasn’t shit at this point either. We would fuck and act like a couple but we weren’t together. I knew he had hella girls. Well one day he didn’t text me back but he was tweeting on the TL. So he mentioned me and I said something dramatic like “wow thought you were dead bc I fasho ain’t get a text back” and some girl mentioned me saying “what y’all texting about”. I immediately hopped in her DMs. I told her “are you and BOY A together because according to him he’s single”. She then proceeded to tell me her and this man have been together for a whole year. She said she lived three hours away but was constantly coming out here to see him. Then she went on to ask me so many questions about our relationship. I told her everything. I was honest. She. Still. Stayed. They are legit still together. After this man used her money on me! After he broke her trust and lied to her. After he did really nasty things to me. I could not believe it. I had to just keep it pushing and know I didn’t do shit wrong. I was honest with her but if she wants to stay with a cheater and a liar that’s not on me.

Boy B: He’s younger than me by a year but the age gap seems like way more than that. He’s 22 and I’m 23. He goes to a local community college though and doesn’t have a job. He’s taller than me so that was a major plus for me. He’s legit like 6’4 and man do I love that. I knew from the jump that we lead very different lives. He’s focused on school and his friends. Im focused on taking care of my son and working full time. Anyways we went out on dates in the beginning and actually took a while to start having sex. I guess we just never had the chance. When we did start having sex I loved it. It was really good. I could tell he hasn’t fucked that much just because he’s kinda awkward. But like I said it was good. We agreed to focus on each other and everything was straight. We would text all the time and see each other when we could. It randomly hit me that we’re never going to go anywhere. This sort of made me withdraw. While having someone to talk to and fuck is fun and the attention is dope. That’s not the relationship I want to be stuck in. I don’t want to halfway commit to someone. At the end of the day I want more from a relationship. He texted me on some annoyed shit yesterday. Saying I didn’t text him back. I pretty much told him I had been busy. I said it was unfair to be upset with me over that. I’m a busy person and so is he. I’m guessing he senses the change in me. I’m just really bad at talking about how I’m feeling so now there’s this weird disconnect between us. I know I have to talk to him and let him know how I’m really feeling. The blame is not all on me though. He puts me on the back burner a lot for his friends and family. That’s definitely understandable but it also validates how I’m feeling. I’m never really going to be a priority to him and that’s something that I have to face. This fact led me to start talking to other people and try and move on.

Boy C: he’s relatively new. He took me out on our first date last Thursday. He’s a gentleman and super nice. We vibe really well and the date was fun…the only thing is he’s significantly shorter than me. So we went out for pizza and beer. The conversation was flowing the wHOLE TIME. It was nice because we both kept cracking jokes and talked about so much. He likes all the same stuff I like! After that we went to the movies and he didn’t even try to put any moves on me. This man paid for everything. We’ve been texting nonstop and he shows legit interest in me. I can’t get over the height thing though. It kinda weirds me out and I’m like WHY AM I LIKE THIS? I’m going to continue talking to him though maybe I’ll get over it. Who knows???? Maybe we just have to go on a couple more dates.

Boy D: my consistent booty call. I’ve known this man since I was in college and we’ve legit been hooking up for years. Whenever I’m single. There is nothing special about him and he’s not even really fine to me or anything. I think I’ve just gotten comfortable with him?? Whenever we call each other the other is there and willing. It’s a really weird relationship to have but somehow I can’t stop myself lol. Anyway we hooked up this weekend and idk there’s something seriously wrong with me for not being able to give him up after all these years lmao!!!! Hopefully he gets in a relationship soon so this can be over.

So that’s what I’ve been dealing with! There’s so much more but idk if you guys like hearing about my weird ass sex life and dating life.

I’m hoping to start blogging more. As I said in the past it is kinda hard because I blog on my phone and I have an extremely busy schedule. I shouldn’t let that stop me though. I’m hoping to come up with a blogging schedule for the rest of the month! Then maybe I’ll commit to doing it.

A major update I have for you guys is I bought my first car: It’s a Prius! As you all know I was driving my exes uncles van. He let me drive it for basically a year because he didn’t really need it. When we broke up he wanted it back because my ex told him a bunch of lies. My mom stood up for me and talked to him. He then gave me more time with the van but I knew I was going to have to secure another car. That’s when I started car shopping. Everything I saw was way too expensive. Even the used cars were way too pricy. I was going to give up when they showed me my car! It had a lot of miles on it but it was in good condition. I test drove it and loved it! I knew it was the car for me. I’ve had it for a little over a month and a half. While my car payment and insurance does add up it was definitely worth it. Hopefully my credit score will get higher and after I’m done paying this off I can get an even newer car!

Work has been pretty good. It feels like my days are so loooong. I’m there from 7:45am to 5:15pm and on Wednesday’s 6pm. I get along with my coworkers for the most part. I know there are a couple girls who don’t really fuck with me but I try to just stay outta their way. There are some of my coworkers who I get along with so well. We even hang out outside of work. I’ve gotten ramen with a couple of them. I just went to one of my coworkers birthday party this past weekend. My manager was there too so that was a little awkward. And a couple of my coworkers and I smoke sometimes when we get off. Like I said I get along with them pretty well. Work stresses us all out though. Mostly because our boss is on all of our asses 24/7. He really does the most. I was pretty stressed out because I missed like three days last pay period and that affected my check a lot. Dom was sick though and he comes first. He’s been doing better though. I wanna do a blog post on dom! Kinda like an update. So I won’t really go into too much detail on a son update in this post.

I think that’s all for now y’all.

Love to all,

Julianna ๐Ÿ’–

Journal entry 19: January 22,2018

I know I know I know. It’s been way too long. I actually have so much to discuss. For one I found out through someone that my bd cheated on me basically our whole relationship. That’s super heavy stuff so I’ll let that sink in. Crazy part is this girl knew about me and yet she continued her relationship with him and she’s so happy our relationship is over now. He even had this woman at the birthday he threw for Dom that I was not even invited to. When I tell you all this man disgusts me and I really hate him I hope you all understand. There’s so much I could say on the matter but I won’t even give them any more time than I already have. I’ve started seeing other people and honestly I think it’s just to have a nice distraction but I dont see myself being in a relationship for a verrrrry long time. This weekend I threw doms first birthday party and it was the best!!!! So glad it came together nicely and my baby enjoyed himself. He was blessed with so much love and even got a ton of gifts. My friends and family came from out of town! I also got a room with my best friends and we were able to visit a brewery and to do our nails!!!! I’ll be sure to include pics but I hope you all are doing fine! I’ll include my snap on here because I don’t post on here too often but hope we can all keep up with each other ! It’s yunghooly

Journal Entry 18: 1/2/18

Wow! My first post of 2018. How exciting. I hope you all had a great New Years Eve/day! Mine was really great. I think I’ll go ahead and just recap my weekend for you guys.

Friday

On Friday I got off work and came home. I was so relieved the week had gone by quickly. I was glad for the long weekend as well. When I got home I played with Dom and my mom told me about their day. I wound up falling asleep pretty early bc I knew I had a lot to do the next day.

Saturday

When I woke up I started getting me and Dom ready. I did not have a lot of patience and would get frustrated because Dom was trying to get into everything and I was on a schedule. I had to drive to where we used to live because that’s where my orthodontist is for my braces. So I had to get everything ready and make sure I left in time. I wound up leaving at the perfect time even though I swore I was late. It was so weird driving out there because I haven’t done it in a couple of months. The girls at the orthodontist were so happy to see Dom! They said he’s growing so fast and I’m like tell me about it!!!! His first bday is right around the corner. They adjusted my braces and sent me on my way. I have to go back towards the end of January. After the orthodontist I took Dom to my bd mom’s house. She lives near my orthodontist. She and I talked a little. I picked up some things I had in her spare room. I went through clothes and stuff. I also took our heater that my bd had bought. My moms place gets so cold so it’s been a huge help. There’s still more of my stuff there but I took as much as possible and said I’d be back sometime soon to get more. She was super glad she got to see dom but we were only there for like an hour and then I was ready to go. We wound up going to the park with my friend afterwards. He then bought me some food bc I hadn’t eaten all day due to the fact that I was rushing all day. I was debating going home or to my grandmas after that. I decided to just go home! When I got home I tried to make plans to go out. I had everything set but Dom was super moody. He wanted me to lay with him so I did and I wound up falling asleep and not even going out.

Sunday

Sunday was NYE. I tried to look super nice and hated the way my make up came out. This caused me to take it all off and start all over again. I got dom ready and then he went with me and my mom to Buffalo Wild Wings. Our whole thing was we wanted to watch the niner game. We decided to just go to the one like 10 minutes away. When we got there it wasn’t a long wait even though there were SO many people. When we sat down we immediately ordered our food and my mom got a cocktail. Our waiter was pretty trash. He only gave me like one refill and it took him forever to come check on us. We didn’t like the food too much either but I mean anything for football! Dom was restless most of the time we were there. I tried to play with him and keep him occupied. My mom asked if I just wanted to leave when we were only watching the second quarter. I said yes because it was honestly so packed and I felt like dom was going to have a meltdown because he was so tired. I had to stop by target to pick up lashes to wear. I was also planning on going to my grandmas because she was throwing a NYE party. I told Natalia that I would be going to that and she said she wanted to as well. She picked me and Dom up and we went to my grandmas. My grandmas was SO FUN. They had a mechanical bull, a taco man, hella alcohol/beer, and good music. It was really perfect and I thought about how my cousins had been trying to convince me to have Doms birthday at my grandmas. I decided I wanted to do that and everyone was telling me ask my grandma. I forgot to ask though! I wound up getting pretty drunk. I had beers and a lot of patron. It was so nice but the night seemed like a very long night. My grandma wound up drunk crying and so did my cousin Elena. At one point the night was a shit show. Natalia even cried and she was sober!!!!! We wound up leaving after about one am. I was ready to go by then LOL.

Monday

I woke up with the BIGGEST HANGOVER. Of course dom was wide awake and ready to play. I played with him and then went into the bathroom and threw up. We wound up going back to sleep and then by the time I woke up again Dom was awake. I sent out his birthday invitations as well. My grandma had agreed to have the party at her house. I starved like all day because all I had the energy to make was cup of noddles. My mom brought me a bacon avocado cheeseburger eventually.

Over all this weekend was really great. Forgot to mention that my bd texted me happy New Year and of course I overreacted and did not reply because I was super pissed. He didn’t even work NYE. I saw him on his cousins snap. He didn’t even ask to see dom either. I have no patience for him at all and he really bothers me. It’s now Tuesday morning at 5:44 am. I’ve been awake since 4am. I am excited to kick ass at work this week and hopefully have a great week. I hope you all have an amazing week too! Enjoy these pics from this weekend.

Journal entry 17: 12/29/17

hi everyone!!!!

I wish I posted more on here like I did when I worked in Brea. I was in an office though and could post on their computer. Now I have to type on my iPhone which I kind of dread so I just don’t post as often. I just wanted to get on here and read what you all are up to. I caught up on some posts but still have more catching up to do. My life has been a little roller coaster. My bd has been awful to me. He’s helped out by buying stuff for dom but he refuses to give me money to help out. This has really been irritating because I have dom most of the time. He should be offering me money to help out. That’s all I’m going to say on the money subject, but on top of that when I asked if we were still doing a joint party for dom so everyone we know can come together, he said no. He said he will be throwing dom a party the week before his birthday and I almost lost it. I seriously almost swung on him but I clenched my fists and walked away. It’s like he’s trying to do anything to hurt me. At this point it’s better to not show any reaction. It bums me out that he would throw him his own party and not even have me there. I am HIS MOTHER. Whatever, I won’t dwell on it! It is what it is. After all that happened I did get revenge. I hooked up with this guy I used to hook up with. I know it’s not really revenge since my bd will probably never find out and we aren’t even together, but it made me feel great inside since my bd is the only person I’ve hooked up with in like two years. This other guy who isn’t either of them has been hitting me up constantly but idk how to tell him like I’m really hurt and not looking for anything rn. He’s just super nice and talks to me all the time so i don’t wanna hurt his feelings. I guess I’ll just see what happens I mean he knows I just got out of a serious relationship. As far as work it has been super good! I’m working in a center for adults with disabilities and I’m working like 55 hours a week. I’m trying to get something to do on the weekends as well. Maybe waitressing? I just want to provide dom with a good life and his dad isn’t helping out. I make good money now but extra money would help you know? I get along well with my coworkers and they’re super chill. Everyone’s around my age and I fill them in on everything that goes on. They encourage my bad decisions LOL. That’s all I have to update you on for now. Dom is getting super big and he’s still such a happy baby. He’s a mommas boy too so he only wants me! How are you guys? Are you excited for the New Year? Here are some pics of me and Dom from Christmas!

Journal entry 16: 12/19/17

Last night I had a huge migraine which was suuuuuper weird. I haven’t gotten one in a v long time. By the time I woke up for work my head was pounding. I also had all the symptoms of the flu. My vision looked like a shaky camera which is pretty scary when ur driving yourself to work. I had to leave very early because I knew it would take some time to get there. I took DayQuil and was on my way. While driving I had the strongest urge to puke and actually did. That’s right, I threw up all the DayQuil. I kept driving and parked at work. I made it there early so I did wait in the car till it was an acceptable time to go in…I think like 7:30am.

When everyone saw me they immediately asked what was wrong and I let them know I was on my death bed. My coworkers were super sweet and said just ask to leave early because we had subs and were over staffed. At first I really did not wanna do it because that is a lot of money I’ll miss out on, but I get dom back tomorrow so I did not want to be sick when he gets back! He’s already been having colds and they keep coming back. I was sitting there thinking about going home when my supervisor came in and was like “Julianna, which van is yours to move?” And I’m like ummmm the grey MTA. So she was all well in the morning we move our vans so can you go move yours??? Clearly upset because I was just chilling there. So I told her um “I have to have my drivers card for that and none of you have given me the test so no I cant” and she looked at me all shocked! Like yea you’re right. Exactly girl. Today is not the day to come for me. That had me super annoyed so I kinda talked shit about her to two of my coworkers *woops*.

After I found my client files for whoever was taking over my club I went to go ask if I could go home. I had to ask the same rude supervisor and she was still annoyed with me. She was like well victor is the only one who can send people home I’ll text him… she wound up saying yes and I was super relieved I would not have to last all day like that.

My moms and my phone were shut off last night because I’m super broke and do not get paid till the 26th. After finessing and giving them literally all my money I got it turned back on… that also made my day super shitty.

When I got home I immediately fell asleep. I had no appetite and literally didn’t eat all day till about an hour ago (4:30 pm). My sister made me taquitos and beans. Thank the lord because I can’t move at all. I’m literally sitting in a warm bath like rev run typing this!

I texted bd to make sure dom is okay since he’s with him. He sent me a picture and told me he only threw up once today. My poor baby I really hope I’m better tomorrow because I do have to go to work! And I stay till 6 pm tomorrow ๐Ÿ˜ฉ how are you all? How’s this week going for you?